All the self-portraits I have on this website are horribly out-of-date. I built this site originally in 1995 or so, featuring low-res webcam captures I took of myself at age 19 playing dress-up in my room in Santa Cruz. It hasn't changed much since, except for the addition of the weblog. The majority of this site was written in BBedit, on a Mac LC with 16 whopping megs of RAM, in 256 colors, for Netscape 1.1. Everything but this weblog is still perfectly viewable with that same setup. Nothing has changed at all.
The thing is, I've changed a lot. I don't look anything like those pictures anymore. In fact, I probably didn't even look like that then. Not long after I took them, this socially-awkward English bloke named Maynard, a coworker of mine at Apple, came up to me in the hallway outside my office.
"I've seen your website."
"Yeah?"
"You don't look anything like that."
Those are the only words I ever exchanged with Maynard.
Now I have shorter hair, glasses, probably a lot more wrinkles on my forehead. Certainly my life is different than it used to be. In real life, I definitely get a lot fewer random anonymous marriage proposals and creepy "will you be my special internet friend" emails. My goth phase is probably permanently over. I have not been seen wearing a Death t-shirt, Doc Martens, or excessive amounts of black eyeliner since I was old enough to drink. (boo.)
In the spirit of perpetuating this "kia" internet persona thing, however, I thought I'd pitch in a few more completely outdated self portraits. I was digging through some old negs this weekend in the hopes of finding some usable compositing fodder and found a sheet of 35mm black and white negs that I never printed.
So. here's me at age 23, next to what appears to be a pile of laundry in my apartment in Seattle, with different hair and different glasses, and clothes I'm not sure I'd normally admit I ever wore.
God, I was angsty.
Posted by kia at February 10, 2003 07:46 PMOf course, the best part is the subtly punkrock middle finger in the second shot, a kind of "Oh God, won't this stupid world that will never understand my dark genius just *die* already" demurral. No wonder you were such a target for creepy basement-dwelling Gaiman-theorizing Untermenschen!
Posted by: db on February 10, 2003 08:36 PMKia, you are, and have always been, completely fucking gorgeous.
Posted by: spivey on February 10, 2003 10:02 PMLovely, lovely. You are my favourite special internet friend.
Posted by: bug on February 11, 2003 11:13 AMWill you marr....can I be your stalker?
Posted by: rl on February 11, 2003 02:58 PMyou at least have those pictures of yourself. I used to hate being photographed, I avoided it whenever possible, mostly because I hated my body. when I moved for the sixth time, the only box with my childhood photos that I didn't destroy got lost. the only ones left are those my dad sometimes emails me, showing off the amazing ability he recently has developed - scanning, that is.
I of course have changed and so has my relationship to be depicted. and when the other day I went through a few mini dv tapes I found in my bedroom, I saw myself back in second term at accd. holy cow, I thought, was I fat back then. I thought of deleting the tape.
and then I realized that one day I might want to look at it again. I hope I don't look like that by then anymore.
cheers,
c.
Angsty but (?) gorgeous. Now you're gorgeous but without so much of that pesky angst.
Will you be my special internet friend?
Posted by: amir on February 14, 2003 04:51 PM