Trust me, I DO realize how fortunate I am to have such an involved and devoted husband and father to my daughter. Curtis is amazing and I don't know what I would do without him - especially times like today when he is home with sick Elan and I am at work fielding phone calls and closing end-of-quarter deals all day.

But GEEZ must those I work with (and sometimes for) tell me that the fact that I have a husband is why I shouldn't need to offload any work in order to - gad forbid - take one day off to care for a sick child? Here's how it was put to me: "I am a single mother! I know how hard it is. You just didn't plan properly." Nevermind the fact that in the three years I have been at this company, I have taken ZERO sick days for myself, including the day I gave birth, when I was actually fielding cell phone calls, and ZERO sick days for my daughter.

I just don't plan properly -how useful!

Why do companies even attempt to claim that they support "work life balance?" There is no such thing.

Yesterday Elan came down with a high fever. We brought her to the after hours clinic late last night. She is at home now with Curtis, and I will need to watch her tomorrow. I have been desperately trying to line up a babysitter to help, even to the point of trying to poach my neighbor's nanny! (She is asking around to see if she has a friend.) I don't want to call one of those services who will send a stranger and charge $20/hour plus a $500 sign up fee.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could actually take a day off work to care for a sick child? Does that situation exist for anyone?

Of course I dare not even ask, since then I will be labeled less serious about my job, never mind the fact that I am the primary breadwinner and working to support the family.

Times like this are just ... well, like times like this.

While I'm typing today, I just have to complain: I am so uncool. I used to be cool, way back then. I knew about cool stuff and contributed to zines. I even had one myself, or kinda. Now I silently surf the sites of the More Interesting, and wonder when the Big Idea for my First Novel is going to strike me.

Then I realize that it probably won't strike me any time soon, as I'm pretty uncool right now and boring to boot. Or maybe I can somehow turn a transition from interesting and edgy to uncool and boring into some sort of Allegory, a la Avenue Q.

At least I didn't lose my self-absorption. Phew!

MAN O MAN it has been forever since I posted! The house is still being remodeled. We still have only half a roof. We eat off a card table. But that is not why I decided to post.

I had an epiphany.

I finally started to realize why stay-at-home-moms sometimes find working moms so annoying. Working moms are sometimes so annoying! Why is it that the only moms I know who find it necessary CONSTANTLY to brag about their children are working moms?

The other week at the playground, Curtis and I had to withstand a certain mother talking about the 100 words that her 12 month old says. "We keep track of the words!," she gloated. "The other day we counted them! There are so many!" And last week at a party, an ob-gyn of all people was the WORST. I had said to Elan, "Look, Baby! Can you say, 'Baby?'" and the *mom* responded, "Yes, yes! My daughter can say the word "Baby!" (Her daughter was 11 months old.)

I was like, "Listen lady, I really don't care. And do you think I would be speaking to you in that voice?" Actually, I didn't say that, I was just *like* that. And quiet.

Is it that they feel so guilty about not being with their children that they constantly have to justify to themselves and to the world that their children are geniuses and thus don't need them to be home all the time. Or something.

Fortunately, I don't face these issues of guilt. I work because I make a great living and am the primary breadwinner. I have no mixed feelings and face no internal struggles. Plus - I think that Katherine Michiels School is raising Elan just fine! ;)